Today I Rode My Horse

Today I rode my horse.

It's been a very rough week here at the farm.  Our son was diagnosed with a serious illness.  He lives 1000s of miles away.  Him, his wife and our darling little granddaughter.  I feel like the the news has left us feeling lost, tossing around in very unfamiliar water with no anchor and only half-inflated life jackets.  The endless turmoil of this week has created an inner tenseness in my body that leaves me aching and sore, longing for the ability to take one long, deep breath, but the muscles in my body are on reaction mode and not letting go.

I didn't feel like riding Spirit today.  I call this horse "my boy" and that alone puts me into tears as I think of my real boy, so far away.  But I did ride him.  I put one foot in front of the other and with the help and encouragement of other barn dwellers, I saddled him up and got on.  A first Spirit didn't understand what was going on....what was this stiff unyielding body on top of him.  What did this rider want?  So at first, I consciously relaxed - to make it easier for "my boy".  Then it all began to flow.  Our dance became more real and as he carried me along,  him recognizing my cues and me recognizing him.  The tension in my body started to let go, muscle by muscle, stiff joint by stiff joint began to loosen up.   It all felt so good.

As we continued around and around the arena, I could easily let my mind drift away from reality and into all the trails and woods and beaches and roads and sunny days and rainy days and beautiful days through which  this wonderful horses has carried me and  I smiled.   The more I smiled; the more my stiff body released.  There were a few tears, but they were soft, simple tears - tears of release.  And then, there it was - a few deep sighs and then a beautiful unhindered deep breath that felt real.

  I will hope and pray  that if you are lucky enough to be a rider and you are going through a stressful time, that someone makes you pick yourself up by your bootstraps and get your ass on your horse.  The time when you least feel like riding is the time when you probably need it most.

My ride on Spirit was a beautiful gift.  It won't make my real boy any healthier and it won't solve any of the problems that lie in front of us, but it was a gift nonetheless.  There is so much about our future that is hopeful but strangely unfamiliar and foreign.  So much I don't know laying ahead.   But I do know about today and what I know most about today is that Today I rode my horse and for that I am thankful.